Let me start with this truly humble disclaimer: I am no expert in child-raising. I’m still raising my own and making plenty of mistakes in the process – so no, no kind of expert, and yes, still in the school of hard knocks.
That being said, over the years I have reached conclusions on some methods that don’t work. I can say this with confidence because I’ve observed them first-hand and seen the results.
Recently I read a short series on a blog that reminded me of some of these things. It’s a critical review of Reb Bradley’s Child Training Tips, a book which lines up pretty well with a few others you may or may not recognize:
What the Bible Says About Child Training, Richard Fugate
To Train Up A Child, Michael Pearl
Withhold Not Correction, Bruce A. Ray
Spanking: Why, When, How?, Roy Lessin
These books offer a supposedly Biblical parenting formula that guarantees success: the “right” training method equals godly, obedient children who grow into godly, obedient adults. The results, however, reveal important flaws and dangers in the formula (something Reb Bradley himself had to admit in his later article, “Exposing the 7 Major Blind Spots of Homeschoolers”).
This is the breakdown of the critical issues reviewed in the series:
#1: Parents are pushed to assume the worst about their children instead of being encouraged to demonstrate the virtues of mercy and understanding.
#2: Parents are urged to exercise an extreme level of control of their child’s mind and body, which prevents the child from preparing for adulthood.
#3: Parents are instructed to use spanking as their primary tool of discipline, not only for behavior modification but also to force the child to change their opinions or feelings.
#4: Parents are urged to isolate their families in order to maintain extreme levels of control over their children without outside interference.
If you’re raising a kid/kids I’d love for you to read the author’s exposition of each point – not only for the excellent analysis, but for the practical advice and encouragement it offers. The series is linked below.
In addition, I’m sharing a link to an article by Sally Clarkson, a truly excellent essay recently passed on to me by a friend, which I wish I had read years ago, called “First-Time Obedience: How’s That Working For You?”
I hope they prove as helpful for you as they have for me!
LINK: “Biblical” Parenting: A Series By Latebloomer
LINK: First-Time Obedience: How’s That Working For You?
Northbound 