I’ve been thinking about that today. About love that will not let you go. Can you imagine being wanted, hung onto, kept safe like that?
People say this is what God’s love is like, but honestly, the thing about the love of an invisible, silent Being is that you feel it only as much as you can imagine it. In the end, it’s flesh and blood that communicate love to us. Which can be a blessing or a curse.
The way love is communicated to us affects not only our human interactions, but our idea of the Divine. I know I’m not alone in my struggles to accept the utter love of God, to believe in it, to trust it. It’s just completely against everything I ever learned. Experience with caregivers and close people in my life taught me that love was contingent on my performance. Faithfulness to my upbringing, loyalty to doctrinal structures, submission to my role, heteropresentation, you name it. Deviation brought alienation. Sometimes it was theatrical (“I can no longer be friends with you” – “You were never a child of God”) and sometimes it was discrete… friends that faded away and stopped interacting with me. Always, it was made clear that love was conditional.
So yeah… Love that will not let you go. What a concept. I struggle to accept it, even while I crave it.